Alone

Now I'm all alone....
see when I think that lyric I don't think "Not Alone" but "Missing You".
I feel like a third wheel everywhere I go.
One friend is surrounded by people.
Another one is always attatched to her boyfriend.
Others are always talking to someone else if they're available.
Three that I grew close-ish to went homeschooled.
Two, oh my god, either they are secretly in love or they're the best of friends in the entire world. It's so fun to watch them interact, but if I want to talk to them it's not really practical. Usually I just watch and think how cute it is inside my head.
Anyway. Enough about me shipping my friends.
When I had a misunderstanding with my friend tonight about hanging out, it made me want to cry. That's how pathetic I am.
I just can't handle growing away from every single friend I have at once, especially now. I'm sixteen. I have two years until I'm an actual, real, fully-functioning adult.
I sometimes like being alone. But I can't handle FEELING alone.
But what's worse is feeling like I'm surrounded by a crowd of people but separated by a thin sheet of glass. Because I need to act socially but it feels like I'm trying too hard.
Lately I haven't had anyone I can even complain about this to. It's getting worse.
It's in the awkward inbetween stage of not social, but not totally alone. Leaning toward alone.
I'd rather one or the other.