I'm a horrible procrastinator. Every time I get an assignment that I really don't know what I'm doing on, I will procrastinate and procrastinate until it's about 11 PM before it's due. But it's not because I just don't want to do work.
It's to stave off the meltdown.
It's painful to start writing things that I don't want to write. It's like ripping words out of my brain through my throat as they desperately cling to my synapses. It hurts. The larger the project, the worse it is. So my writing process is a little different from most people.
1) Procrastinate. On the internet.
2) With a huge effort, stop with the internet.
3) Stare at the screen, realize how little I've done and how little time I have to do it in.
4) Feel like an utter failure with no self-control.
5) Procrastinate by writing something else not on the internet.
6) Stop that, with some effort.
7) Try to write something, but fail after one sentence.
8) Go over how I suck at life in my mind.
9) Frustration. Feel like smashing something.
10) Either cry or come very close.
11) After this freakout is done, type something.
12) Keep writing, because somehow that triggered freedom from writer's block.
13) Feel bad about its quality, but hey, at least it's done.
Yep, angsty angsty BAAAAH but I'm a teenager who's a few years behind. While some people grow out of angst at 16, that's when I fully grew into it.
I fail, I know.
But I think I've gotta go and have a meltdown or this will NEVER get done.
